Mary Dafter and her great trouble

Thomas Dafter, yeoman of “Wollen” (ie Oldland) Glos, yeoman, took out a marriage licence on 8 Nov 1684 to marry Mary Pollen, of St Augustine, Bristol, with the wedding to be at the bride’s parish. (The published version of Bristol Marriage Licence Bonds, gives Thomas’s parish as Woolastone, which is incorrect.)

A son John, and other children were born of this marriage. I have not discovered when Mary died, but Thomas took a second wife in 1691, when, shown as “Thomas Daftor, Bitton, yeoman” he obtained a licence to marry Mary Davis, again of St Augustine’s, on 30 May 1691. The bondsman was Richard Davies, of Bitton, clothier, who made his mark. This Richard Davies or Davis was Mary’s father, bc1638, d 23.6.1725. Mary Davis became the Mary Dafter of the letters.

Thomas and Mary II begat two children, Mary, who married Joseph Long, and  Richard, born ca 1701.

Thomas died before 1713, when his wife took over his business as steward for the Newton’s.

HER GREAT TROUBLE

It began on 17th December 1720, when she wrote:

“It is a very sickly time here. I thank God that I and my family is all pretty well at present. Mr Liddiart is dead this week; he was sick about a fortnight and some days was taken with shivering fits and vomiting.”

On 19 April 1721, she apologised for not writing sooner, as “my father have been very ill and I was in great fear I should have lost him, but now I thank God he is able to ride out again.” Richard Davis, though now an old man, was obviously a great support to Mary.

On 10^th June she reported the death of Mrs Warner (or Wornell), and three heriots were due, but she had so far failed to collect them…..and then the bombshell drops: “I should have gone before this, but she is next neighbour to Mrs Liddiart and she and I am now at a great dispute for my son courts her, or else she courts him. I have got very good gentlemen to try and break it, but I find it has gone too far before I knowed of it. My greatest reason that I upgate (sic) against it is the disagreeable (sic) of age for she is now 43 years and he is going in 21 years. I thank God he have a very good character and be need not to (have) wanted a wife according to his age but what God have ordered it shall be whether for a cross or comfort. She is counted a very sharp, sensible woman, but I think comes short in this.”

On 26th July, Mary had been busy with the hay harvest, made more difficult because “my son being from me about this intended disagreeable matter.”  The happy couple had apparently asked her to baby-sit whilst they got married, for she notes “Liddiard’s son have had the small pox so that I could not suffer him to come to me in the house on my account and some of the servants, but now the child is well.”

About this time, Richard Dafter, described “yeoman of Bitton”, took out a licence in Bristol,  to marry Martha Lydiard, of St Philip & St Jacob, Bristol, with his half brother John Dafter, a cooper of St Peter’s, as bondsman, (and more of him later).

October 14^th,  and Richard Davis was ill again: “I must beg your pardon for not writing sooner but my father have been very ill this 6 weeks but I thank God he is got up again, though very weak, but I am glad to keep him (even) if it is in his chair.”

On December 2nd, the following  postscript, (with which most of us who have children can readily identify, but nowadays we’re more likely to have to call the students’ union): “I beg the favour to let one of your servants to write a line to Frances Lewton which is Madam Archer’s under cooks-maid, and to tell her that her mother takes it very undutiful that she have never sent to her since she have been gone.”

Whether Mary became acclimatised to the marriage or not, she apparently bit her tongue, and makes no mention of it, though refers to her son riding out on her behalf, and also in April 1722, when he engages with Squire Trye, the local justice, to prosecute the gang who among other depredations in the district had stripped the lead from the roof at Barr’s Court, and stolen several horses from Mary herself. Three men, King, Kanton & Harvor were hanged, but Forfis and two women were transported. Although Forfis was condemned with the rest, he, “met a great friend in Squire Trye and in my son”, and they spoke up for him. “His mother was a cook to my old master many years and is now very sensible among her neighbours when they be sick and no-one can accuse her of anything of these crimes, so her son have friends for her sake.”

In this month too, she gets a parish orphan, one of a family of four, “from poor honest parents. The grandmother was my lady’s washerwoman….I desire to know whether I shall take to him. It is a sprake (sprack) boy, but he is but small. Mr Merredith have gave him some clothes once, but that is gone and he is all in lice and rags.”

By January 15^th 1722/3, Mary wanted to discuss business with Sir John Newton. “As for my coming up to London, I should have been very glad if you would have admitted me to come; the reason is my son was of age the 12^th February last and he was left joint executor with me and is willing to have something from me and would willingly come to Barr’s Court to take to the business if your Honor please, which I am very willing and nothing shall be wanting in me to assist him, provided we can agree on terms and we have a discharge from him, which I have no friend but your Honor to advise me, because I am not willing anyone should know my circumstances.” These were not in a very good state, for she goes on, “My son do not know how things lie and I am not willing his wife shall know nothing of it. I have praised my stock and do find myself near the same as when my husband died. It would have been better but everything runs very low with renters. This five or six years have had bad crops and this year have lost by sheep near £40 by a bane which was general with us.”

February 17^th 1722/3

“….as for my son coming to Barr’s Court to assist me, he is very compliable to do what your Honor and I shall desire. I do want him very much, my father being ancient and cannot ride out as he did, and though he is young he understands the business very well and he never was undutiful till this unfortunate match.”

November 11^th 1723

“I am still in a great deal of trouble. My son have been very ill and he and I have not put things right between us relating to his father’s will. We had deferred ourselves to Squire Trye to end all disputes between but he is much biased by a wife and she have had an own councillor and I feel she will not let him agree to it. I fear that my family and myself will be ruined……there are a great many loopholes for trouble….I must rely on your Honor to advise me. I have no other friend in the world…”.

January 8^th 1723/4

“My father is taken very ill that I have been up with him all night and day. My daughter have lay in and been very bad. I feared I should have lost them both but thank God both is better but very weak still.”

February 26^th 1723/4

“I am ill with a swelling in my face occasioned by a cold, unable to hold up to do business.”

April 19^th 1724

“Very ill again this month, and more like an ague and fever, but now this week, I thank God, much better.”

July 25^th 1724

“My son and I not agreed as yet. Once more proposed to put it into Squire Trye’s hands. It is agreed to be done soon after the fair if his wife do not alter her mind.”

October 7^th 1724

“My son & I have not agreed and I am afraid never shall, for through a wicked instrument he proposeth unreasonable.”

November 4^th 1724

“My son is very bad and like to die and my friend Squire Trye is once more a trying to make up our business which is the greatest trouble I ever knew and I think my son have laid to heart what he have done, but still being biased by a wife he do not consent yet to  reasonable terms.”

November 18^th 1724

“My dear son is dead the 12^th of this instant and I cannot express my trouble, but I desire I must go to him, for he cannot return to me. As soon as I compose myself, I shall go on with my accounts. I cannot tell you how his wife will deal with me which is  a trouble because we had not agreed before his death.”

(Richard Dafter was buried at Bitton, November 15^th 1724.)

November 30^th 1724

“Squire Edwards & Mr Offield both in London and I am waiting to have them advise me on my husband’s will to know what was my son’s right and where there is not the survivorship belonging to me by reason there has been no contract between us since he was of age. My son have made a will and made his wife executrix so she is very urgent to know his right so she is she is best to administer for she have been and is still to get what she could from me.”

And now, there was even more trouble for  Mary’s stepson was in prison for debt.

“John Dafter my son in law, severely used by his creditors and no-one can say but that he is an honest man, and have a good trade as a cooper, free of Bristol, but having the misfortune that belongs to our family. Not having a good wife to manage what he gets to the right use occasions this confinement. The debt is but £10 but they have proceeded in law in his absence at sea, and it is amounted to £25. I have employed Mr Edward his clerk to see if he can bring it to some compassion.”

December 16^th 1724

Opinions of  legal men were sought about Mary’s dispute with her daughter in law, but Mary thinks “…the case is back on my side. I do know he have had from me more than his right but I have nought to show for all he have had…. my son’s widow is not respected by poor nor rich for her ruining such a boy and she have brought the debts that was with Will Liddiard’s (her previous husband) that she created to be my son’s now, so I fear it will be very hard on us, but I shall trust in God in the midst of my trouble will remember poor Mary and deliver me out of the Lion’s Mouth.”.

December 19^th 1724

“As to my son in law John Dafter, he is still soliciting me to work for his redemption. I have employed Mr Edward, his clerk and he have brought the whole debt and law suit that amounted to £28 and his creditor now being in want and is in confinement in the goal (sic) with him.(!)  Now he will take £14 and £4 is due for his fees and debts in the prison, so £18 the whole to clear him out. I have been helpful to my husband’s former children according to my ability and to do more is to give that as is not mine. Their father was a good husband to me and I cannot say that his former children was but very respectful to me, so was I of ability, I would soon have him out, but my troubles is now so great.”

January 20^th 1724/5

As relating to my son-in-law in prison, I have offered two months ago £10 to release him, but they will not take under £14, besides his (keep?) in the prison. I am informed there is an Act of Grace that will come out for debtors in a little time, but that was in Midsummer last. The keeper have offered to take his note for his debtor which makes it. I desire your Honor’s advice in this. ”

(Nothing further is heard about John Dafter. I am somehow doubtful that Sir John put his hand in his pocket.)

March 13^th 1724/5

I am to wait on Squire Edward on Monday next about the Bond of Ward between my son’s widow and me and I hope he will end it.”

April 14^th  1725

But the meeting was postponed … (as legal proceedings always are)… “Squire Edward have sent for me this day and I am now going to wait on him to see to the bond that is between my son’s widdow and me to be ended by the 1^st day of May next. Her lawyer have been out of town and would do nothing on it.”

April 24^th 1725

Squire Edward tells Mary her troublesome business is not ended, “they brought it to the threshold of the door and then stumbled”. (again, Plus ca change)

May 26th 1725

“Squire Edward have not ended my troublesome business as yet.”

June 23^rd 1725

“My dear father I have lost this last Sunday which was aged 87 years, had but 3 days sickness, the tenderest father that ever child had, and as good a Christian, in that I do comfort myself that he have reaped what he have sowed from his youth.”

August 16th 1725

“Squire Edward is very sensible on the account he have to make up with my son’s widow, that he have hurted me very much and this last 3 years have been so dry that it have pulled me back. I have a good stock of old wheat which will now bear 5s 6d – 6s a bushel which I will make out and other money I expect to raise and as fast as possible will pay it in. I have always ate the bread of carefulness.”

September 13^th 1725

“….I am mighty busy it being a catchly time and likewise with my son’s widow, she now threatens me that she will come to your Honor to inform you of all the affairs and then she will prefer her bill and swear herself not to be worth £5, and to have her law for nothing, suing under the King. I hope God will in his good time deliver me out of her hands, is my daily prayers.”

October 20^th 1725

“I have been very ill with a pain in my side. My adversary threatens me with a bill in Chancery. I sent to Squire Edward and told him my circumstances that I had no money, and he professed himself extremely kind. He said that it had not cost me much and it should not, for he will take care of it to my satisfaction.”

December 1^st 1725

“I have paid in to Squire Edward the 30^th November £50, and I hope to pay in next week £100 more, for I am making out of old wheat and other stock to raise money. I am to wait on Squire Edward on Saturday to give him the best account I can relative to my encumbrances which it would not have been so with me had I not had 3 bad years together and likewise an undutiful child in my son being biast by a wife which hath hurted me very much.”

April 9^th 1726

“My daughter is a widow and liveth with me and is my right hand to assist me, which was the same when her father was living, being brought up to keep the markets, which I hope your Honor will not dislike of, for she is a careful industrious woman which is a great comfort to me being left a widow so young.”

(Mary Long had four children, a daughter of 11, and sons of  9, 6 and 2. The nine-year-old had been taken “at reasonable rates by the week to give him learning” by a Minister in Bristol, and he came home every Saturday. The baby had been ill, with what was thought to be small pox, but turned out to be measles. On April 23, he was still “very weakly, and I question his life for a fever attend him every day”.)

Things went from bad to worse. Mary was on the verge of a breakdown. On August 13^th 1726, she wrote a begging letter to Sir John:

“Hon’d Sir

I waited on Squire Edward yesterday when he gave me an account of your Honor’s orders which is such a trouble to me. I humbly beg of your Honor that you would not expose my trouble to the world and that you would be pleased with the bowels of compassion to look on the widows and fatherless children and you let me continue to be your steward, if not to be a tenant which have been always just and will to the end. I always depended that your Honor would let me continue in it in my lifetime and at my death which cannot be too long in this trouble, my daughter shall be bound to see to everything……and I shall make her sensible of all your business that you may not lose none of your of your rights, for she is an honest careful woman and no-one will say other, but my adversary which have been my great ruin. If your Honor is not pleased that she shall stay with me, she will go back into Bristol or some other place as soon as she can get a convenient place which I thought should not have parted from me but death. I always comforted myself in all my troubles of your kind letter at my husband’s death. I cannot tell what to say more, but that my husband often said in a bad year that he had a good master and when you went from Barr’s Court that you left a charge to him to be just and his answer was that he would be as true as your own heart to you, and that he did believe that your Honor would never let him want, nor his, which I have and shall be the same, if may be permitted, and if I perish it shall be at your Honor’s feet, is all from your almost broken hearted and dutiful servant to death, Mary Dafter. ”

On the same date , Mary wrote to Lady Newton, begging her to intercede, to let her and her daughter try for one more year: “parting from my daughter is tearing one limb from the other…..I am almost at my wits end.”

In the event she was relieved of her post, but seems to have been compensated in some way, for she writes thanking Sir John for his goodness, and “that I shall always walk worthy of so great a favour. I agree with your Honor that it is not proper for me to continue on the farm, being but a woman and I had never attempted so great affairs had it not been for your goodness to entrust me with your stock, and was persuaded to it for the good of my son, which now he and his wife have been my ruin. I shall conform to your Honor’s command and what Squire Edward would have me do in everything and shall always be ready to serve your Honor’s interest what lieth in me even if it was to lay down my life.”

And then as usual, she goes back to business, She has sent a box to London, carriage paid to be picked up in Piccadilly. Good news that the level where Mr Good and Squire Player have been prospecting for coal is blown up (!) and that the tenant Nicholls, is coming in the middle of the month to have his lease made. At which she finishes as always, “with my hearty prayers for your Honor’s health and my good Lady’s, I am your dutiful servant to command, Mary Dafter.

The family gravestone in Bitton reads: Thomas, s.o. Joseph & Mary Long, and grandson of Thomas & Mary Dafter, d. 7.2.1761 aged 41, Mary Bartlett, d.o. Joseph & Mary Long, d. 15.10.1760 aged 46, Richard Davis of Oldland, d.29.6.1725 aged 85, Sarah, wife of Richard, d. 6.6.1671, Eleanor wife of said Richard Davis, d. 12.5.1696

Mary Dafter of Barr’s Court, Probate copy of her will, 1730,  under ref D2957/47/5, GRO

Mary Long seems not to have survived her mother for very long. The probate of the will of Mary Long of Barre Court Bitton, widow, was proved 3 Jan 1731/2. D2957/146/151, GRO